I have a message that will save you--turn you from broken to whole. This message is like a brick through a window in rewind.
Yes, my darlings, I can cure you of your congestion, your temporal pressure, your seepage, your self-doubt. Your lack of love, your excess of love. The breath you can't catch at night that wakes you. I can take away all of these pains (well, at least the cold-related ones) and transform them into a herd of deer. Or a flock of seagulls. Or a pride of lions peering back in envy at the majestic beast you have become.
Have you ever felt like a sacred animal? No? Well, what the hell are you waiting for?! I have the power to make you FEEL the Holy Spirit made manifest in your mucus membranes. His Light is alive in every sinus passage everywhere. Even in yours? Yes, even in yours. The message I have to bear just might ignite great Virgin-blue fires on the split ends of your nostril furs.
It's that good.
My message is thus: pour hot water over the following earthly ingredients, allow to steep for 10 minutes, and then sip in a divine fashion until your senses are restored.
2-3 lemon slices
1/4 tsp. red chili powder/crushed dried chilis
1/8 tsp. coriander
1 tbs. honey
PS. This tonic is intended to help you fight a common cold. If it does any of the other shit mentioned above, well then, dude--that's crazy. I'm not the most reliable narrator/apothecary/shaman, so your expectations should be limited.